Inspir.es

I keep a list of analogies. They’re things that I observe, but I don’t know where they go. They’re orphans. I don’t know what larger idea they tie to. They’re the last half of the metaphor. Imagine “You know, it’s kind of like…” at the beginning of these. They’re insight without meaning, maybe. Or…

It’s near impossible to conjure up a good analogy on command, so I write them down too. After 10 to 20 years of careful documentation, I’ll have a witty analogy for every conceivable situation. Maybe even several gems to choose from! That’s the plan at least…

Here are a few from my stockpile, no editing:

Doesn’t have the patience to pre-heat

Devoured it like drunk people eating Mexican food

About as conspicuous as Monica Lewinsky at a black light party

One of those neighborhood where the mailman hands mail directly to each person…sometimes in exchange for cookies or a casual comment about the weather

Like putting a bowl of dog food in the middle of the road

You can’t tickle yourself properly

When you see these in my future writing, feign amazement at my ability to find the perfect analogy, okay?